Let me first say that the 50 things that were on this list were, um, mainly stupid. I can think of a BUNCH of better things to say to men, but that's another post. Hmmm that could be a fun one. Most of this list was a bunch of insulting crap that makes women sound like scheming manipulative lunatics. Hell, if I was a man I'd want to be gay after reading this list.
Having said that, here are the items that made me yell "YES", the items that made me yell "WHAT THE HELL?" and the items that made me want to find the Men's Health editors and punch them out. I've decided to start with the bad and end with the good, mainly because the bad makes me want to throw things and I'd rather end this post on a happy note. ;)
Completely, Totally, and Utterly Insulting:
1. Saying "I love you" immediately before, during, or following sex doesn't count.
Um, if you mean it when you say it, you can say it any time you want. Any time. Anyone that says different is an idiot.
I'm convinced I'm pregnant and obsess about it for a minimum of 24 to
48 hours before my period, even when I have no rational reason to think
No I don't, and I won't, and seriously? Really? Good lord.
7. "Fine" is never an appropriate response when I ask you how I look.
Oh gag. This is the oldest complaint in the book. If you are dating
a guy that just doesn't care, then why pick a fight by asking him and
then getting mad when he says "fine"? Grow up.
14. I'm more forgiving of you than I really should be.
What a hateful thing to say!
15. Oral sex is your get-out-of-the-doghouse-free card. Manolo Blahnik shoes also do the trick.
Yeah, buy me stuff. Lots of stuff. Then you can do whatever you want. 'Cause all I really want is lots of stuff. *gag*
17. If I'm not having sex with you, I'm... a.) ...having a fat day. b.) ...not feeling "connected" to you. c.) ...blackmailing you to get something I want.
This one made me sick. Blackmailing you?? Remember what I said about
scheming manipulative psychos? The woman who wrote this list should be
18. Shoes determine whether you're fashionable or not.
Again, I am a vacuous simpleton, so of course I only care about how you look.
21. A man I love plans the occasional fancy-schmancy dress-up date and impromptu weekend getaways, and he buys my favorite candy in advance when we're just going to the movies.
Buy me things! More things! Buy me stuff! Me me me me!!
30. I want to be Madonna.
Yes, yes I want to be a total skank who now affects a British accent
and humps a giant crucifix on stage. Please, someone call Mr. Roarke
and Tattoo on Fantasy Island and get that going for me.
35. Surprises, especially gifts for moi = more loving
Because AGAIN -- BUY ME STUFF! ALL I CARE ABOUT IS STUFF! BUY FOR ME!!
36. I want to be the best thing that ever happened to you--and for you to recognize this.
The world revolves around me, doesn't it? It does, right? Whatever, go buy me something.
50. You should know all this and more without my telling you.
Because after all, you're dating a complete bitch. WTF?
Now, This is Just Stupid:
2. Real men drive stick shift.
Are you kidding me? Do you think we really care if you drive stick? I'm sorry, I think the whole car thing is overrated. I don't care what kind of car a guy drives, as long as he knows how to drive it. Ahem.
28. I'm unimpressed with a man who doesn't take the lead.
Oh give me a break. What impresses me is a guy that knows when to lead and when to follow. IF you know what I mean ;) Ahthankyouverymuch!
39. I like it when you tell me what you're thinking, even if you don't know yourself.
Yes, I enjoy making you miserable by forcing you to talk when you don't want to. I'm a psycho like that. WTF?? Who WROTE these things???
40. Celebrating our anniversary, even if it's only been a few months, earns major bonus points.
Again, give me a break. Most of the people that I know agree that having fun on the plain old regular days is much more important :)
45. I love holding your bum in the palms of my hands.
Uh, what? I mean, that made the list? That's retarded.
and finally...Hell to the YES. The FEW things that I agreed with:
3. I will leave if you lie.
I mean, it's harsh, but yeah. I don't think I'd be with you anyway
if you were a liar, but I don't really see any reason to stay with you
if you are. Been there, done that. Who's heard the Fake Australian
story, raise your hand! *sigh*
6. I love it when you hug me from behind and whisper in my ear.
It's all about snorgling, baby. Get on it. ;D
8. Most of the time when I fantasize, it's about you.
I can't speak for the rest of the ladies, but in my experience, that's true. Now, occasionally you might be the warm-up act for Clive Owen, but since it's fantasy-you, you never seem to mind.
What? It's fantasy, shut up. :P
10. I get turned on simply seeing that I have an e-mail from you.
Yes yes it's true. I get a stupid grin on my face. :)
26. If you ask me out directly, I will say yes.
This one corresponds with #5 on the men's list, in my opinion. I guess both sides want the other to do the heavy lifting, LOL. Hm. For me, I would say that if you think we like you, chances are we do. Go with it.
32. I'm in heaven when you hold my hand.
Oh gads that is SO SO SO SO SO true. Give it a try sometime. Just
reach over quietly and take her hand. You'll see her light up like a
33. You're sexy when you're shaving, fixing things, wearing a white T-shirt and jeans, driving, eating a peach, holding a baby.
Mmmmm the regular everyday things, yes. You are very om nom nom nom when you do the little things.
46. Even nice girls like hushed dirty talk in public.
No comment. But yes. But I didn't say that. *innocent look*
P.S. It's even better when you whisper it really close so you tickle our necks. ;P
48. For the record: I'd rather you break up with me than cheat.
Yes and yes again. Just leave and close the door. Please don't cheat.
49. I remember everything about our relationship.
That's not a girl thing, that's a Tracy thing. I have a freakish memory. :)