Over the past three days I have tried three different ways to get home from my temp job. Three different ways to go 13.5 miles. That's all, just 13.5 miles. So how long does it take? I'll let you take a guess, TxDOT. After all, you're the supposed transportation professionals, right? So how long? Come on, give me your best guess. What's that you say? Twenty minutes? Oh, TxDOT, you hilarious bastards, stop making me laugh. I told you to guess, not dream. Try again. Thirty minutes? Now listen here, if you're not going to take this seriously then I'm not going to play. You have one last guess. Forty minutes? *sigh* I'm disappointed in you, TxDOT. For evil geniuses, you're not very smart. Okay, I'll tell you:
ONE HOUR.
That's right, fuckers, it took me ONE GODDAMN HOUR to drive THIRTEEN POINT FIVE MILES. At one point I wasn't even pressing on the accelerator. What is that, like five miles an hour? Emma could have pulled me faster than that!
Let me ask you something: Is there any particular reason why every fucking freeway in this city is under major construction? What? Oh, that's right, it's not just the freeways. It's also most of the major in-town roads as well. Let's also not forget that if a road isn't under construction it's still filled with bone-jarring-tire-popping-shock-destroying potholes. Ahhhh what a pleasant drive.
So I give you my kudos, TxDOT. You have broken me. I concede defeat to you and your evil organization. Might I suggest that you take this operation on the road (pun intended) to other countries? I think that you could be looking at a possible world domination. Tie up enough roads and people will just fall at your feet, helpless to do anything but snivel at the high gas prices.
You really got me tonight. I'll admit that I have a temper that tends to flare while I'm driving, but tonight I was using curse words that would make Tony Soprano blush and titter. I think my favorite part of the drive was at a dead stop in the middle of I10 when I just put my head down on the steering wheel and wept. You felt it, didn't you, TxDOT? Your horns and tails grew just a little bit longer, didn't they? I thought so.
Enjoy your victory, TxDOT. Way to kick a girl when she's down.
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